Resentment – that niggling feeling that can creep up on you and quietly undermine a leader’s ability to inspire, motivate and guide their team. It’s a sneaky emotion that can cloud your judgement and dull your edge just when you need to be at the top of your game. As a leader, you’re expected to set the tone for your workplace culture, but when resentment starts to simmer, it can have a corrosive effect on everything from your leadership style to the overall morale of your team. Values are all well and good on a break room wall, but unless you and your team are living them every day, they’re nothing more than empty words.
Sorting out the roots of resentment, acknowledging its impact and doing something about it are the first steps to creating a positive work culture and becoming the leader you know you can be. But be under no illusion – resentment isn’t just a personal problem for the leader. It can spread like wildfire through a team, sucking the energy out of people, reducing morale and engagement, and ultimately leaving a toxic stain on the organisation.
What Causes Resentment in Leaders to Build Up?
There are many reasons why leaders get hit with feelings of resentment, and many of them boil down to the fact that leading people is a complex and nuanced business. These are some of the factors that commonly contribute to a leader’s feelings of resentment:
- Lack of Recognition: We all know that leaders are used to putting the needs of others first, but it gets pretty wearing when those efforts go unrecognised by your team or the organisation. A lack of acknowledgement can lead to feelings of frustration and bitterness – and if that’s not addressed, it can even stifle your own leadership development.
- Unmet Expectations: As a leader, you’re always pushing for your team to achieve certain standards and deliver results. But when those expectations aren’t met, it can be pretty demoralising – especially if you feel like you’re not getting the support you need either.
- Conflict with Employees or Peers: We all have disagreements with colleagues from time to time. But if those conflicts aren’t managed properly, they can turn into long-standing resentments that can have a real impact on the overall culture and morale of your team.
- The Hand of Organisational Policy: Leaders often feel like they’re stuck between a rock and a hard place, particularly when organisational constraints are getting in the way of their team’s success. It can be deeply frustrating when you feel like you’re not able to advocate for your people effectively because of rigid policies or corporate structures.
The Cost of Resentment
The cost of holding onto resentment can be eye-wateringly high, both for the individual leader and the organisation as a whole. Not only can it damage your emotional well-being, but it can also have a corrosive effect on the overall culture of the organisation, and damage employee experience too.
- Poor Decision Making: Resentment can cloud your judgement, leading to decisions that are driven by emotion rather than logic. This can have a real impact on your team and even hinder your own leadership development.
- Damaging the Workplace Culture: As leaders, we set the tone for the entire work environment. If you’re harbouring resentment, it can create a toxic culture that undermines trust, communication and collaboration. It can also stifle innovation, reduce productivity and leave a real stain on the organisation’s reputation.
- Increased Stress and Burnout: Constantly carrying resentment can be draining, both emotionally and mentally. It can leave you feeling more stressed and burnt out than ever, and make it harder to lead with resilience.
- Eroding Trust: When resentment builds, it can be really hard to maintain transparency and trust with your team. Employees may start to pick up on your frustration, which can lead to disengagement and decreased morale.
Getting Beyond Resentment to Become an Even Better Leader
Fortunately, leaders can actually take steps to overcome resentment and build a more positive culture at their organisation. Leaders are encouraged to explore new ideas and tools for overcoming resentment and supporting employee development – as long as their approach is innovative and effective.
Supporting your team and building a diverse culture are both key parts of effective leadership – helping to create inclusive environments where everyone can thrive. Using data and knowledge to inform your leadership approach adds real value and ensures continuous improvement.
Working towards a common goal – and having a clear strategy for the future – aligns teams and drives progress, while getting new skills is essential for ongoing leadership effectiveness & being adaptable.
Here’s how:
1. Sort Out What’s Really Causing the Resentment
Firstly, identify what is causing your resentment: do you feel undervalued, unsupported, or at odds with your team? Taking some time for self-reflection or working with a mentor can really help clarify these feelings and give you a route towards a solution
2. Start Thinking a Bit More Positively
Once you’ve figured out what’s going on, it’s time to give yourself a bit of a mental shake-up. Leaders often find it tricky to separate their personal feelings from their job, but developing the ability to see things objectively is a key part of becoming a better leader – start focusing on what can be improved and see challenges as opportunities for growth – not as things to get all worked up about, especially if they’re not in your circle of control.
3. Communicate Honestly – No Matter What
Open and honest communication is vital for overcoming resentment. If you’re harbouring negative feelings towards a colleague or team member, try having a direct conversation about your concerns – leadership training often stresses the importance of empathy and active listening – by talking things through in an open way, you can diffuse tension and help resolve any misunderstandings before they get any worse.
4. Focus On What You Can Actually Change
As a leader, it’s really easy to get frustrated with things that are outside your control – like organisational constraints or the behaviour of others. But focusing on what you can actually control – your own actions, attitude and reactions – is key to overcoming resentment. By shifting your focus to areas where you can make a positive impact, you can cut down on feelings of powerlessness & frustration.
5. Create a Positive Work Culture
Leaders have a huge part to play in shaping the culture of their organisation. If you’re holding onto resentment, it’s likely that it will influence how you interact with your team and how you make decisions, which could in turn negatively affect the people around you. To build a culture of trust and collaboration, start by modelling positive behaviour – recognise and celebrate other people’s successes and create a workplace where feedback is always welcome.
6. Keep On Developing Your Leadership Skills
Overcoming resentment isn’t just about managing your negative emotions – it’s also about continuous growth. Pursue leadership development opportunities, whether that’s formal training, coaching or getting feedback from your team – the more you can develop your emotional intelligence and leadership skills, the more you’ll be able to lead with empathy, resilience & effectiveness
7. Don’t Be Afraid to Ask For Help
Resentment can be a real lonely feeling, but you don’t have to go it alone. Reach out to someone you trust – maybe a mentor, a colleague, or a leadership coach – who can offer a listening ear and some real guidance. Having a solid group of people around you can be a huge help when you’re trying to work through tough emotions & get some outside perspective on how to deal with tough situations. They can help you untangle the mess in your head and offer a roadmap for getting through really tough stuff.
What comes next
Wallowing in resentment for too long can really hold you back as a leader – it can put a drag on your ability to create a positive workplace vibe, hurt your own growth as a leader, and even poison your relationship with your team. But if you can be brave enough to face up to your resentment head-on, focus on what you can actually control, and commit to continually learning and growing, you can start to break free from all the negative thought cycles that can grow with resentment, and become a more effective leader.
Don’t forget, being a leader is about more than just getting results – it’s also about creating a work environment that makes people feel valued, heard & motivated. By letting go of resentment, you can start to build a real thriving culture – one that’s positive, inclusive, and actually makes people want to come to work (including you!).
