Most leaders don’t enjoy having difficult conversations with their team.
They can be awkward, uncomfortable and often lead to anxiety and stress, even for the most experienced professionals. In our experience as leadership consultants, leaders avoid conversations because of the stress, or they might be unaware they need to happen or don’t know how to have difficult conversations at work in the best way. What we know is that not having a difficult conversation, for any reason, is detrimental to developing effective teams
Avoiding tough talks, waiting too long to have a chat, or tackling them poorly, can lead to misunderstandings, conflicts, and missed opportunities. It can also impact your collective ability to get the work done—and done well.
Here we unpack this common leadership roadblock and show you how to put on your brave pants and handle them with confidence.
A difficult conversation scenario
Picture this: your direct report fails to deliver a project to a deadline.
If a conversation doesn’t happen to share your concerns, the potential impact could be increased (and unfair) pressure on the wider team as they’re forced to pick up the pieces and do the additional work.
This inevitably shortens deadlines to complete their original tasks further, potentially causing stakeholders to lose trust in the quality of the project.
You can see from this familiar example just some of the negative consequences of difficult conversations not happening. Failing to call out behaviour that doesn’t meet expectations and requirements puts the wider team and business in a compromised position.
On the flip side, there can also be negative repercussions if leaders do speak up but don’t do it effectively. These skills don’t necessarily come easily to all – we design and deliver leadership programs across all industries and locations to assist professionals building building the confidence to have tough conversations with their teams in the right way.
Common difficult conversation mistakes
So when we do speak up, where might we hit some roadblocks in our approach? Some of the common mistakes we see in the perspective of a leadership development consultant include the following:
- Being too aggressive –Being overly aggressive in your communication stylecan come across as intimidating or confrontational. This can make it difficult for the other person to feel comfortable sharing their perspective.
- Failing to listen – Sometimes we’re so focused on getting the point across that we forget to actively listen to the other person’s perspective. This can lead to misunderstandings and an inability to find common ground.
- Making assumptions – Making the assumption thatwe know what the other person is thinking or feeling without taking the time to gather all the facts or listen to the other person’s point of view can cause all sorts of issues with how a conversation progresses.
- Not making sense – When we rush or don’t prepare, we run the risk that we don’t get the message across well, leaving the other person confused about what we’re trying to say or what’s expected of them.
Three steps to difficult conversation success
To give you a bite-sized taste of what could be involved in our human resources training programs and/or professional development training courses here are three steps we recommend you follow to avoid these common mistakes and become confident in having those difficult conversations at work:
Step 1: Prepare before you speak
Most of the mistakes out-of-their-depth leaders make in difficult conversations stem from one clear issue: they simply weren’t prepared.
To successfully tackle those difficult conversations with team members, it’s important that leaders do these three key things in advance:
- Get clear on their concerns by understanding the facts of the situation, not emotions, interpretations or assumptions.
- Find examples and facts to support their concerns, as this provides crucial context.
- Think about the best time or place to have the conversation. We suggest allowing some space and time to let things settle.
Step 2: Be clear in what you say
As the wise Brené Brown once said, ”Being unclear is unkind”.
Therefore, during any difficult conversation, clarity is crucial.
Often, leaders try to water down their message to make it easier to communicate and not upset the person they’re giving feedback to.
What they may not know is this actually does the opposite of what they’re trying to achieve. It can actually have a negative impact on the discussion.
Instead, it’s important that leaders are clear in their feedback by detailing the scenario or situation with facts, discussing unacceptable behaviour and explaining the impacts of that behaviour.
However, they should also listen to the other person’s side of the story to try and establish some common ground.
Step 3: Document the outcomes
It’s easy to focus on the conversation and overlook the follow-up required afterwards (because, by golly, that was hard, and you don’t want to revisit it!).
But, after the difficult conversation, it’s vital that leaders document the outcomes, provide ongoing support to the team member and follow up with any agreed-upon, accountable actions.
Agreeing on how things will shift or change and ensuring both parties are accountable for that agreed outcome helps ensure long-term improvement.
Start tackling those difficult conversations
Having difficult conversations at work is an essential skill for leaders and for developing effective teams. It’s not always easy, and it can be uncomfortable, but avoiding tough talks, or executing them badly, can lead to even bigger problems down the line.
By being proactive and clear, listening and ensuring you follow up, you can confidently navigate those tricky conversations, become a more effective leader, and build a stronger team and healthier workplace culture.
